Jousting With Jouska
Do you jouska?
Are you familiar with the term? Have you jouska’d today?
I have. Today and every day.
According to the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, “jouska” is a hypothetical conversation you compulsively play out your head—until you’re satisfied with the outcome, I suppose.
Sometimes a good jouska is useful, with real-world applications! More often, it’s just exhausting—also with real-world applications!
Honestly? I’d turn it off if I could. Because, like my inclination to spontaneously edit everything to do with words, it is a Useless Distraction.
And it doesn’t just happen in the background, as innocuous subroutines are supposed to. No, my jouskas are rude and bossy. They take up time and brain-space, elbowing more useful and pleasant thoughts out of the way.
Here’s one that happened this morning on the way to the bookstore, not long after I passed a firetruck heading the other way:
ME: {upside-down in the car on the side of the road}
LOCAL FIRST RESPONDERS: {working to get me out and provide first aid}
ME: I’m sorry about this, fellas. I don’t know how it happened.
LFR: Sir, we’re going to get you out, and you’re going to be fine.
ME: Am I? I don’t feel fine right now.
LFR: You’re probably going into shock, which is totally normal under these circumstances. We see this a lot, not to worry.
ME: Okay. Okay. Fellas…I know you have more important things to do than this today. I’m sorry to add to your list.
LFR: Sir, this is literally what we get paid to do. We’ve got you.
{time passes}
ME: Fellas, I’m cold. This is Hawai’i, I prefer not to be cold.
LFR: Sir, can you tell me your name? Do you know what day it is?
ME: My name is, uh, Michael. {pause} I don’t know what day it is.
LFR: Michael, I’m also a Michael.
ME: There’s a lot of us in the world…
LFR: Yup, there are.
LFR: Michael. Michael. Stay with me here.
ME: Yeah! I’m here. Just needed a little nap.
LFR: I need you to help me help you, brah. No naps, okay?
ME: Yup. No more naps. Until I get home.
LFR: When you get home, you can nap all you want.
ME: Guys, I’m supposed to open the store at 10…
LFR: What store is that?
ME: We have a bookstore in town.
LFR: Michael, the store is going to open late today.
ME: Can you…help me get over there when you get me out?
LFR: Michael, I gotta tell you, your next stop is not going to be the store today.
ME: {pause} I see…yeah. Okay.
{time passes}
ME: I need to be home by four. We have lots of animals to take care. Of. To take care of…
LFR: Who’s we?
ME: My wife and I. It’s heavy…um, there’s a lot of heavy. Lifting. It’s a two-person job. My wife can’t do it all.
LFR: What’s her name?
ME: Mmffa…
LFR: Say that again? Her name is what?
ME: {quietly} Michael…
LFR: Her name is Michael?
ME: {quietly} No, you. Michael.
LFR: Yup, I’m Michael
ME: …you help?
LFR: Got your back, right here, Michael.
ME: Okay...appreciate. Um…the effort. Sorry for the. Sorry…
LFR: Michael Michael Michael Michael…
{fade}
***
You can see now why non-stop jouska-ing is not the most efficient use of time.
***
“My life felt like a jigsaw puzzle—only I was working from several puzzles simultaneously and there was no finished picture to tell me how it should all end up.”
—Madeline Albrigh